04/17/2020
It's been a while since I have posted directly on here, and frankly, with the way the world is at the moment, I need to get my ass in gear and be here, right here, right now. I am only one person, but maybe the words I can share may help someone get through another day of social isolation and fear about health, job, family, the future.
So let me try.
Pandemic is not a new thing. It's happened before--but never in a time with instantaneous communications for the entire world. Never before in a world with nearly instantaneous travel, spreading the disease further than any other has managed in a much shorter amount of time. And never before in a world with the current population count that we had achieved before the first deaths from this disease.
It was inevitable, of course. I'm vaguely surprised that we haven't seen this earlier. Ebola,of course...and we had people with the knowledge and the willingness to take the measures necessary to stop it as fast as possible, without concern for the economy or one person's ego. I'm sure there were others, but frankly, they were apparently handled properly and I'm not pulling up any names at this point. And this isn't about listing the diseases that will try to kill us. That would take far too long and I don't have time for that.
The point I am making is that the handling of this particular pandemic, controlling it, keeping it contained, keeping people safe, has taken the back seat to politics, economics and particularly to the ego of an ignorant, selfish and self-centered man who cannot allow anyone else to be "better" than he thinks he is; he's the "best", of course. Best at getting us all killed if someone, anyone, doesn't stop him from making decisions that are completely wrong for dealing with a mindless, soulless, heartless (LITERALLY all three of those things) disease.
So I understand why you feel terrified/anxious/scared. I know why you worry and fret about what is happening, what may happen, how to deal with all the things that can occur. I feel it, too. We ALL feel it. Being isolated socially means we can't talk it out with those we love, or the ones we trust, or just a stranger in the store, looking for some answer that will help relieve some of that fear.
I have my answer. It may not work for you, but i'm going to share it in the hopes that it will offer a new way of coping.
I figure it this way: I'm either going to get COVID-19. OR I'm not. It's going to make me sick. OR it's not. It's going to kill me. OR it's not. And there's not one damned thing I can do about that beyond what I am already doing. Common sense is a superpower, you know. So few people have it. But just a lick of common sense (and not a lick on the toilet seat, thank you, ewwww!) will keep you safer than just about anything else.
There are many other places that can give you the fine details of keeping as safe as possible. This is not the place for that information--but if you don't know what to do, look it up on the Internet. That's what it's for, you know.
What I want to talk to you about is how to decontaminate your mind.
First and foremost, work on mindfulness. Be aware of what you are thinking, be cognizant of your feelings. It's okay to feel scared; it's dangerous to let that fear rule you to the point where you're not making good decisions. Be thought-full of how you're going to deal with things AS THEY ARISE. Don't anticipate trouble; it can find you fast enough.
Now, that doesn't mean to not plan for eventualities. Being prepared helps limit the fear factor if something comes along. But don't dwell on it to the point of missing out on the fact that life still goes on. It does.
One of my favorite quotes from Doug Adams is from "Salmon of Doubt" and it goes like this: "He was amazed at how different the world looked from a place three feet to the left."
Quarantined at home? Locked in the family house with kids, dogs, spouses, omigod now what? Take three steps to the left.
This time is a gift. Unexpected, maybe even unwanted, but still a gift. It is a time for whatever may happen in a household that didn't have time for much more than a daily routine. Well, there's no one going to school today and Mom and Dad may both be home all day as well. The dog is beyond thrilled at having its pack around. The cat is plotting your deaths, with blame to be laid at the dog's feet.
Home schooling is not horrid if everyone is patient and treats it as a novelty. (Which is mostly is, right?) Being quarantined together does NOT mean that you have to BE together all the time. Everyone needs their own private time. But...having activities that everyone can participate in, as a family, all together is a good idea. I'm not just talking about playing board games (remember those?). Even laundry can be a fun family thing if the attitude for fun is there and everyone is helping. Making dinner can be traded off, with adult supervision. The kids can be taught some basic recipes, they can learn that not everything comes in a box or can and can learn what it's like to be able to prepare their own meals.
Each parent should take the kids for a while so that the other parent gets some quiet time as well. Your ability to parent is not based on what bathroom you use or if you p*e standing up or not--it's based on trying, learning, practicing, dealing with the little squiggly wet crying things. That's how women learn it, fellas. You can too.
The opportunities are vast if you are open to trying new things. And letting the kids get into stuff (safely, of course!).
If chores are a source of crying and revolution, well...here's what I did when my kids were tweens and we were living together, just the 3 of us and I was working 45-60 hours per week. I made a list of 21 jobs that needed to be done each week. There were 3 categories: easy jobs, medium jobs and hard (or gross) jobs. It just happened that there were 7 jobs in each category. Sooooooo.... every person, Mom included, had to do 7 jobs each week. No one did all of one kind of a job ("I'm doing all 7 of the easy jobs this week!)") AND the following week, you couldn't choose the same jobs you had done the week before.
So yes, there was a chart, with spaces to mark off what was done. And guess what? All 21 jobs got done every week and no one felt like a slave. I suggest it for your family because even the littlest ones can help: putting items found throughout the house into the box of the person to whom they belong, putting a new bag in the garbage can, etc etc. You get the idea.
Don't let anyone disappear behind a screen for more than about 2 or 3 hours at a time. (I play WoW, so I know how this goes.) Learn how to play a new game. If you can afford it, Amazon will deliver games to you--and I mean board games, real, got to roll the dice yourself, move the parts with your own fingers kind of games. If the kids are old enough, start with Trivial Pursuit and other word games. Increase their vocabulary!
And almost most importantly of all, talk to each other. LISTEN to what your kids are saying. Don't be afraid to tell them that you're afraid, too, that you don't have the answers for this, that it IS a scary time. TRUTH is always the best answer, at an age-appropriate level.
Adults, talk to each other. Remind each other why you chose to be together, talk of fond memories and good times. Talk about the things you'd like to do once you're let loose from the house again. Reconnect with the person you chose "back then".
Say "please" and "thank you" to each other as often as necessary. Even if it's the children's chore to set the table or clear it, let them know that you appreciate it by saying "Please set the table" or "Thank you for clearing off the dishes".
Hopefully, I've got you started with some ideas. Take them and run. Don't sit around, fretfully waiting to begin living again. You are living NOW; this is just how life is, NOW. It won't always be this way, but for now, live in the present.
The past is gone, never to return. We do not know what the future will bring, or if it will even show up. All we have is today, this moment, right now. And it's a gift. That's why we call it "The Present".
Peace and blessings, mindfulness and living in the moment because the moment is the only sure thing at any time--but especially during this time of crisis for the world.
