02/01/2026
For the last 3 years I've declared that I'm never getting involved in church again after going through deep church hurt and disillusionment and a faith crisis. Last summer, something started to change in my heart as I engaged more and more with a new church I found.
First it was joining a small group and actually wanting to be there. Then it was signing up for a community service event without thinking twice. In our small group the Bible came alive in our study of Ephesians and I got a new perspective of how much God loved the church and his hopes for what it could be. During a sermon series about church community, I started to believe that it was important to keep showing up on Sundays and learn how to be in community with ALL of God's people (not just the ones I liked).
I kept finding myself in situations where I would ask myself, "Who are you?!" Sometimes my husband would say the same thing or raise an eyebrow after I said something that was the complete opposite of everything I said before.
Today I joined the welcome team and had another surreal "who are you" moment. I felt so much joy! This was something I truly did not imagine ever happening again, especially after feeling deeply used in my past church.
There's a super upbeat song that we sing at church and I weep every time we get to the chorus because I am the new person in that song who has done a 180 and has a new name. I am free! (Lyrics in comments).
3 years ago, I hoped that someday I would see the church the way God does and overcome my feelings of repulsion and disillusionment, but thought it would take many years to get there. I could never imagine that I would get there this fast.
If you are in a hard place with the church and feel like a wanderer in the desert, I hope you don't give up. Keep showing up even when you don't feel like it and see what God will do. I hope you experience healing, redemption, and freedom along the way, and that you find a healthy church where you can grow and be known.
**I know the church has long been a place of deep hurt and trauma so I also understand if it's no longer for you, no matter what. ❤️
