01/09/2026
Perhaps I'm too focused on explaining my life through the lens of ADHD, but honestly, it's become a useful question to ask. 'Is this a resistant character flaw? Is it a flaw at all? Is it my wiring? How much pushback before result, if any?' Because it turns out that a lot of things I had guilt over (or was criticised for) were not, in fact, my fault. I'm not responsible for my wiring - only for what I do with it. Similarly my physical disability, while it holds me up because I can't use the computer for more than an hour at a time, also lets me say to myself: God doesn't expect more from me than He enables me to do. That statement works both ways, but it works.
So instead of facing overwhelm in the morning and self-castigation at night, I've been given two tools.
One, I now know the optimal balance for self-employment FOR ME: put out fires 9-11, creative tasks 11-2, grind work 2-5 with an option on 7-9. With rests interspersed.
Two, I don't have to be entirely self-directed. I have started asking the Lord what to focus on for the day. He gives me 2-3 things. And then I have someone to please other than myself, someone who also holds my clients' needs in mind, and who understands how to get the best out of me. And wait for this mind-blowing revelation: the yoke is easy and light! I finish each day not in despair out of how much I failed to get done (out of the huge unrealistic pile of possible outcomes) but satisfied that I've pleased the One who matters. And the work is getting done.
This is also why I have Writing Wednesdays. Sure, I get to Wednesday and think about all the client work waiting for me; but my books are part of my calling, and that deserves focus, lest I spend my days tending other ministries but neglecting the one *I've* been entrusted with. (OK, that's a Venn diagram with a big overlap 🙃)
I realised this may all sound very very self-indulgent to my dear friends who work 9-5. So I'll just remind you I'm not young any more and there aren't many 9-5 jobs that let you have a wee lie-down once an hour because your neck has made your shoulder seize up and radiate pain down your arm. I'm doing the best I can with these cards and I know you are too! While we aren't valued because of our productivity, I do applaud yours (and envy it a tiny bit). Go you good thing. Find what works, and have at it!
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