02/10/2021
| Being vulnerable with others and letting the good ones close has created a stronger wall of protection than any I could have ever built myself.
But how do we determine who the “good ones” are? How do we determine when to be vulnerable?
The only way to find out is to, as they say, f**k around. I always thought if someone proved themselves, then I could let my guard down. Or when I was “put together” (what the hell does that even mean) then I could let people in. But allowing yourself to be seen allows you to be loved like you want. So vulnerability has to come first. Gentle reminder that this is the only way your people will recognize you.
However, vulnerability without structure is futile. This is where authenticity comes in. Being disciplined about expressing your authentic self translates to honoring your needs and setting boundaries.
When you choose to open up, it will attract both like minded people as well as those who want what you got. Those who wish to harvest your energy for themselves. This is where we discern who is who.
Communicating your needs does two things:
1. Distinguishes who is good for you
- Because those who are good for you will want you to exist on your terms. They want you to take up space. Boundaries are not selfish, they allow you to have the structure it takes to grow. People who are good for you encourage your growth.
2. Heals your relationship with yourself
- Because you’re practicing showing up for yourself, you’re proving that you are capable of providing/asking for what you need and achieving what you want. That creates a peace no one else can give you.
Once you have a good idea of what it feels like in your body to soften and open up, you will easily recognize the lack of it in others. If they’re not willing to meet you in a vulnerable space or if they have no boundaries of their own, these are good signs they will abuse your time.
Have courage. Take up space. You’re all that you need but it doesn’t have to be that way 🤍
