27/05/2026
Are you accidentally treating your eldest child like a co-parent?
When you have a second or third child, it’s incredibly easy to look at your oldest and think, “Wow, they are getting so big and mature.” Unconsciously, we start shifting adult-sized expectations onto them. We ask them to step aside, to hold back their feelings, to be the perfect role model, or to act as an emotional anchor.
But here is the truth we often forget: An 11, 12, or 13-year-old is still just a child.
Growing a few inches taller or having a younger sibling doesn’t magically grant them instant adult coping mechanisms. When we repeatedly say things like “You should have known better” or “Give them the toy, you’re older,” we aren’t building maturity, we are inadvertently building deep resentment, anxiety, and a feeling that their needs don’t matter.
Your eldest got the least experienced version of you, and they often bear the highest expectations. Let’s protect their right to just be a kid while they still are.
Which of these phrases have you caught yourself using? Let’s talk about it in the comments below, no judgment here, we are all learning together.
đź”— Want to deeply transform your relationship with your pre-teen? Click the link in my bio to book a 1:1 parenting clarity call.
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